by Karl Nerger
One thing that is endemic to White Nationalism is the recognition that times have changed, and not for the better. Most people in our camp have come to realize that the break-up of the family is the primary goal of our enemies. We have seen in the last 10 years that there has been a specific attack on the institution of marriage. Aside from the traditional and spiritual elements of marriage in our culture, marriage generally provides a stable environment for raising healthy children. If the goal of our enemies is to create a dysfunctional society, then creating dysfunctional, emotionally needy adults from broken families is an excellent way to achieve their goal. Feminism coupled with technological advances has made it easier to establish and maintain a single parent household. Dr. William Pierce, in one of his addresses gave some very good reasons why it has become so easy to divorce in contemporary times. Unfortunately, divorce has become a sort of “new normal” for our society and despite the best intentions of one spouse, the lure to end the marriage for what appears to be greener pastures can make it impossible for one partner to sacrifice sufficiently to keep the marriage going. And, with a broken marriage often comes divorced children. In the divorce settlement, the custody arrangement will be hammered out and parents, who have often come to despise each other, will attempt to “co-parent” their children going forward. As a result, the children will have to transition from one home to another on a fairly regular basis through Visitation in a legally enforceable Order (Note: enforcing child support orders is a free service provided by the state government, whereas visitation violations are “civil” matters, requiring the wronged parent to hire a lawyer, and go back to Chancery Court for hopeful adjudication). But, it is children who navigate the transition process from one parent’s home to the other parent’s home of which I am writing here.
The primary job of parenting is to inculcate children with information, especially the spoken and unspoken rules, about society that will create the habits that will lead to success. For example, some of the rules are being accountable, dealing with difficult coworkers on the job, time management in all areas of living, developing healthy leisure interests, investing an appropriate amount of time and effort into a project (or in a relationship), using legal channels to resolve conflicts, dealing with unexpected changes such as car repairs or unemployment, and being a responsible person in general. Good and bad lessons are communicated through direct interaction with parents. For one parent to try to inform a child about the other parent won’t persuade a child who deals directly with the child in the long run. And if other adults or other children teach contrary rules to the child, the parent will inevitably double-down in some way and reteach their lesson to the child. Of course, I am talking about lessons that will eventually help the child or hurt the child adjust to life demands when they become an adult. Divorce and separation, more than anything else, create interruption for the lessons that one parent is trying to teach their children, and forces the children to learn from the other parent in abrupt stages. Divorced parents will sometimes intentionally teach a lesson in opposition to the other parent. An example of this is when a child is being punished by removal of privileges at one household, the parent requests that the punishment be enforced at the other parent’s home, and the other parent ignores the punishing parent’s directive and resumes the privilege. It could be because one parent doesn’t agree that the punishment is fair, or it could be just for spite. We, as White Nationalists, know all too well that the other parent may not be enthusiastic about our conclusions about other ethnicities, and may intentionally expose our children to people to whom we would otherwise object or under circumstances of which we would otherwise object, simply to be spiteful to us.
Nevertheless, after a divorce, children will regularly transition from one home to the other. The child must learn to shift gears and adjust to an entirely different set of rules, sometimes in the matter of time it takes to get out of mom’s car and into dad’s car. As parents, we are often concerned that our child is having to make this adjustment. The awareness can cause guilt and sympathy for our child who is having to make this adjustment because we know it must be uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking at least to some extent. We think, “If only life had taken the other fork in the road, our children would be happier with mom and dad in the same home.” The guilt we experience can cause us to relax punishments that we would otherwise enact for bad behavior in our care. There is nothing more powerful or destructive than guilt in parenting. However, I believe even parents of children who have remained together will feel guilty to varying degrees. Feeling guilty is just a part of being a parent, but it is how parents deal with the guilt that determines how effective we are as parents.
With this in mind, I have come to the conclusion that it is not altogether unnatural and maladaptive to require changes in behavior from children transitioning from one setting to another. To put it another way, I don’t think that the adjustment of transitioning is necessarily a bad thing. I think stark changes such as that when outright abuse occurs in one home are definitely unhealthy, but lesser behavioral adjustments can be benign in the long run. As adults, we too must adapt to rapidly changing circumstances that require different sets of behavior. When we get to work there is a short transition period, and I have heard more than a few people say that the drive to work, especially a long drive, helps in transitioning from the rules at home to the rules at work. We might go from a situation where the boss is involved or a contentious coworker, to one where we are dealing with friendly coworkers. We might go from a situation of dealing with friends to dealing with a policeman or parole officer. From talking with friendly classmates to straightening up when the instructor walks into the room. These situations all require some level of rapid adjustment although, as adults. However, we adults are generally able to escape situations where our basic needs are being denied, when sometimes children cannot. But, if your children are experiencing problems getting food, clothing, safety, or shelter in one parent’s home, your exercise of the appropriate legal remedies can serve as a good example on how to overcome those kinds of obstacles. But in so far as a guilty parent, when we are modifying the lessons that we would otherwise teach our children because they have to transition from our home to a different home, then we are abdicating our own function as a parent. We are allowing our feelings and reactions to skew the lessons that we would otherwise teach and will probably result a poorer end-product- a needier, anxious adult. It is a hard and cruel world, and teaching our children that extra consideration will be afforded them if they feel a certain way is not conducive to success. In fact, it teaches them to use emotion to manipulate others. Sometimes, children feel that they must side with mom or dad (usually mom) and act resentful of the other parent. Dr. Richard Gardner is his books about “Parent Alienation Syndrome” discusses this reaction children have, but, as long as your children know that you love them, they will ultimately accept the lessons you teach. Sometimes a child has to play the role that they reject your ideas, but research demonstrates that, if you are able to remain patient with them, they will consider your conclusions when they reach the operable choice-point. So don’t be discouraged, don’t feel guilty, and be the best parent you can. Teach the lessons you want them to know, regardless of the circumstances. Adapting is not always harmful for children.